Maybe I Should Sleep

Maybe I Should Sleep

Its been a long today, since when I woke.
It's gonna be a long tomorrow even if it's as I hope.
I wish I'd paid more attention when they made the rules,
Because it seems they set the system against fools.
I sip my bourbon, I inhale my smoke
There's peace in a cigarette and the bottle's full of hope.
My mind is making dreams look like I'll never see,
And I know somehow I should just let it be...


So maybe I should sleep?
But I've exhausted my fatigue,
And used my sheep up for the week
And if I sleep...
I'll wake to tomorrow,
And this is night i'd like to keep


My life is a melody, a little out of tune.
Lately it's like i hear it from another room.
I know the audience will clap so long as I don't let up,
Its just that sometimes when I'm in bed I can't get up.
The sun kisses my window, but I can't kiss back
Because all that really means is wakefulness is back.
I look at the clock and think that I should be somewhere,
But I close my eyes and wonder, 'do I care?'


So maybe I should sleep?
But I've exhausted my fatigue,
And used my sheep up for the week
And if I sleep...
I'll wake up later in this day,
Because Maybe if I sleep it will be okay....





this is to music. Hopefully I'll figure out how to post that too.

The New York Times > New York Region > Private Health Care in Jails Can Be a Death Sentence

The New York Times > New York Region > Private Health Care in Jails Can Be a Death Sentence


Okay, I've been reading this here article, and I'm furious. No that Doesn't cut it. Its really a compound level of anger. See, I knew things were bad in prisons, from a mental healthcare standpoint. This is not new info for me. In fact, that is the main reason that I want to get the training I want to get. Its disgusting. However, the thing that makes me furious is the perfunctionary notice it receives from acquaintances of mine who claim to care. Most can't even take the time to read it, let alone empathize with it. No wonder nothing ever gets changed.

Makes one wonder (if that one is me). Is it possible that all my friends simply humor me at this point, because they know if they disagree I'll argue and if they say they don't care there's a good chance I'll dip? Even if this is true, is it unfair of me to take this as a negative, instead of focusing on the obvious fact that my friends must then want to have me around very much? Honestly it goes back and forth ad nauseum. This means I'm over-thinking the situation - check. I'll just go with my gut instinct: Fuck all ya'll.

We had no school today (yay!) but I didn't have school anyhow (boo!). I haven't so much as touched the snow out there. It looks wet and nasty. Plust i'm sick. I only buy into that shit about the cold hurting ur immune system when mine is already hurt - like now. Note I continue to smoke my newps. Speaking of that - I think its time to see the sun, get some food, and have a beer. Oops - missed the sun again. The other ones are still good. I'll leave you with the words of U2 - So many are losing, me included, but who the fuck is winning?


Yes...I can’t believe the news today
Oh, I can’t close my eyes and make it go away
How long...How long must we sing this song?
How long? how long...’cause tonight...we can be as one
Tonight...Broken bottles under children’s feet
Bodies strewn across the dead end street
But I won’t heed the battle call
It puts my back up
Puts my back up against the wall
Sunday, bloody sunday
Sunday, bloody sunday
Sunday, bloody sunday (sunday bloody sunday...)(allright lets go!)
And the battle’s just begun
There’s many lost, but tell me who has won
The trench is dug within our hearts
And mothers, children, brothers, sisters torn apart
Sunday, bloody sunday
Sunday, bloody sunday
How long...How long must we sing this song?
How long? how long...’cause tonight...we can be as one
Tonight...Tonight...Sunday, bloody sunday (tonight)
TonightSunday, bloody sunday (tonight)(come get some!)
Wipe the tears from your eyes
Wipe your tears away
Wipe your tears away
I wipe your tears away(sunday, bloody sunday)
I wipe your blood shot eyes(sunday, bloody sunday)
Sunday, bloody sunday (sunday, bloody sunday)
Sunday, bloody sunday (sunday, bloody sunday)(here I come!)
And it’s true we are immune
When fact is fiction and tv reality
And today the millions cry
We eat and drink while tomorrow they die
The real battle yet begun (sunday, bloody sunday)
To claim the victory jesus won (sunday, bloody sunday)
On...Sunday bloody sunday
Sunday bloody sunday...
- U2, 'Sunday Bloody Sunday'

Our great war is a spiritual war...our great depression is our lives...
-Tyler Dirden

My Philosophy pt. i-------------------------------------------

Once I dreamed that I was a taoist monk
experiencing the beauty of the Way.
In all ways a taoist monk.
I enjoyed nonaction as a taoist monk,
not knowing I was Mu.
Suddenly I awoke and was surprised`to be myself again.
>Now how can I tell whether I was an Immortal
> who dreamed she was a taoist monk,
>Or whether I am a taoist monk
> who dreams she is an Immortal?
>Between Hsi Wang Mu and the taoist monk
> there must be differentiation.
>Yet in the dream nondifferentiation takes place.
>>This is called interfusion of things.

In fact, the things don't fuse, and there need be no differentation. While that works well in our heads, its not necessary in reality. Emanation - look it up. and then think about the human body. Each and every 'thing' in existence is just a cell of that body that is the Tao - that and the space around the body and the room that its all in and- ad infinitum, you know what i mean. You can only talk about stuff like this correctly if you use relativism. Anyhow, the separation is only in our heads, and in fact in the 'heads' of most other things. All our human cells simultaneously know they are independant entities with their own responsibilities and also part of a superorganism. they see no contradiction here. Human cells that are unaware they are human are called 'cancer.' Our goal is to recognize our true existence. If you think about it, all religions say this: you are flawed, you must improve for some reason - sound familiar? Perhaps all the myriad reasons are simiply euphemisms for 'don't be a tumor?'